If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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