How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Randomize
