i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
