she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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