Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
