I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize