drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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