I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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