if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
