so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
