I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
