Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
