My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
