Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize