im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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