I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
false alarm. still invincible.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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