Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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