How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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