I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
