So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize