sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
