I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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