Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
