There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
