please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
