Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
