I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
