i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
