Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
