How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
