Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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