Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
