Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I understand Curling. That high.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
