I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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