The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
