is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
