I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
