I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
