Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if only i could text you this smell
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
