So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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