I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Your face is a jimmy john
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
