She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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