i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
