It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
