the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
