I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
