Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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