i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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