; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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