they need to just BURY HIM!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
