Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
