I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
