I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
