Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
