I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
