if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
