Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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