so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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