went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
