I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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