This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
