found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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