man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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