3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
