my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
