this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
time to smoke my breakfast
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
