So gin and wine won't be happening again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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