So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
