I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
